


love is a burning thing

by BroImLooking



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Injuries, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Paralysis, don't let the tags scare you too much this is a mostly fluffy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25512253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroImLooking/pseuds/BroImLooking
Summary: Even after the days of fighting are over, Gordon and Barney struggle, a little.Please heed the major warnings. Though it happens in a dream, it's still graphic.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman, Gordon Freeman & Alyx Vance
Comments: 16
Kudos: 126





	love is a burning thing

**Author's Note:**

> read end notes for full warnings.
> 
> title inspired by johnny cash's version of "Ring of Fire," which i listened to several times while writing this.

Gordon’s hands shook a little as he reloaded his shotgun, though that hardly slowed him down. He was used to going to war on the edge of a mental breakdown. This time, at least, he wasn’t alone in the fight. He knew that he was much better armed than his fellow members of the Resistance, though, so he needed to pick up the slack. 

He only just managed to reload in time to send a Combine soldier to the ground in a heap, the remnants of where their head was a bloody pulp underneath the armor. He snatched up the unused bullets from their corpse, knowing he was running dangerously low on shotgun shells. 

He heard a pained cry, and turned to see one of his allies crumple to the floor like a puppet with cut strings, a gaping wound in his chest that was soaked in blood. He barely had time to fire a shot at the Combine soldier standing over him before his attention was grabbed once again.

In the distance, he saw an entire battalion of Striders enter the scene, stomping on his allies like they were nothing but insects. Gordon reached for his grenades, desperate to put a stop to the bloodshed, but was cut off by something that made his blood run cold.

“Gordon!” It was Alyx’s voice, and she sounded uncharacteristically scared. He turned just in time to see her running at him, blood streaking down her face and from her wounded, visibly broken arm. She was clutching it tightly with her uninjured hand. As she ran, she tripped over the corpse of a dead Combine and hit the dirt hard with a pained cry. Gordon couldn’t do anything but watch helplessly as one of the Overwatch Elites hit her with a round of heavy fire and she fell abruptly still without even getting the chance to let out another sound.

Vomit rose in his throat as he ran to her, pumping bullet after bullet into the gleaming white armor of the soldier who’d struck her down, not caring that he was wasting valuable ammunition. He dropped to the ground next to her heavily, trying everything he could to make her be okay again, but there was just so much blood, and his eyes were filling with tears. He looked up just in time to see the barrel of a gun meet his head, and then-

Darkness. Gordon struggled to catch his heavy, desperate breaths. Where was he? He tried to turn his head, but found himself unable to move. Was it all a dream? Was Alyx okay? The memory of her still form slipped through his mind, and he tried to sit up.

He was still. He couldn’t move. It was dark. Was he in stasis? He could practically hear the G-man’s stilted voice, the dreadful sound surrounding him. Gordon couldn’t even make out what he was saying, just that he was there and that was enough to send him into near-hysterics.

Did the G-Man pull him out because he was about to die? He sobbed, trying desperately to move. He wanted to go back. He needed to know whether Alyx was okay. He felt like he was overheating, why couldn’t he just move?

He felt hands on him, and he ceased his attempts at moving outside of the sobs that wracked his entire body. He was confused, as the G-man had never actually made physical contact with him before. The sound of his own heavy breathing and the roaring blood in his ears was deafening, but he could faintly hear a voice that was distinctly not the G-man. He struggled to focus, but only could faintly make out the sound of a man saying his name.

With a soundless shout, he threw his entire body forward and it worked, his limbs and finally beginning to obey him as they should. His face collided with something hard, and he felt a sharp pain in his nose.

“Gordon!” Came the voice from beside him, muffled and clearly in pain. Barney? It was Barney. Gordon looked around, but was still unable to see anything in the pitch dark. Where was he? Was he in a cell, somewhere? Had they captured Barney as well?

He tried to get up. He needed to find Alyx. She was hurt, and despite the fact that he’d apparently been taken for an unknown amount of time, he had to hold out hope that it wasn’t too late. Surely Barney would agree with that, though Gordon couldn’t exactly communicate that to him in this damned dark room.

He made it to his feet but stumbled, something tangling around his legs. He fell to the floor hard, but was met with soft carpet instead of the stone he had been expecting. Where had he been taken? Suddenly, the room was flooded with light, and he saw that he was in… A bedroom? 

Brushing off his confusion at the unexpected scenery, he jumped to his feet. After struggling to catch his balance and fighting with his still half-asleep body, Gordon whirled around, immediately catching sight of Barney. Relieved to see a familiar face, he began to sign.

‘Alyx. She got hurt, and it was bad, we have to go help her, she could be dead, or-’ he began to head to the door, but was stopped by Barney grabbing him by the wrist, gently but effectively shutting him up and getting his attention. 

It was only then that Gordon began to take in more details of what he could see. He didn’t have his glasses on, so everything was a bit of a blur. Barney looked alarmed and bedraggled, and he was only wearing pajamas. Gordon’s panicked breathing slowed, as his fear-fueled adrenaline was replaced by confusion.

“It’s alright, Gordon. You just had a nightmare,” Barney said soothingly, guiding him back to bed. Despite the immediate panic dying down, Gordon couldn’t fight the intense sense of dread that was filling him. 

‘Is Alyx okay?’ He asked desperately, shaking a bit as he came down from the rush. Barney gently guided him to the bed, and took out a box of tissues that they’d kept beside the bed.

“I’m sure she’s fine, darlin’. Look, it’s real late, but we’ll call her and see, okay? But first let me take care of your little nosebleed, alright?” Barney asked, gesturing towards the tissues. Gordon nodded, and began to calm down as Barney gently wiped the blood away from his lips and chin. He hadn’t even noticed he busted his nose, presumably on Barney’s head when he’d jumped forward.

Once Barney was done, he pulled away and grabbed the communication tablet they kept on-hand at all times. Gordon fidgeted impatiently, but Barney was swift in pressing a few things on-screen and passing it to Gordon. It was already calling calling Alyx.

To Gordon’s immense and overwhelming relief, Alyx picked up after a only few moments, her familiar face filling the screen. Despite the time (which Gordon saw was approaching 3 AM), she seemed wide awake, and a little alarmed. 

“Gordon? Barney? Everything alright?” Gordon set the tablet in his lap and began to sign, sheepishly explaining to her that he’d had a nightmare about her getting hurt. She didn’t seem upset by the call at all. In fact, her worry melted into sincere sympathy, and she offered him a smile. 

“I’m fine, Gordon. Just working on some adjustments for some things. Are you alright? I could head over there if you want. It’s only a short walk,” she tilted her head, her hair spilling into her face slightly. She’d need to cut it soon, Gordon idly noticed. He shook his head, and signed a quick thank you. Just seeing her on a screen was enough for him for now. He’d visit her in the morning.

He passed the tablet back to Barney, and he had a quick conversation with her as Gordon slowly felt his mind return to current times. The war against the invading forces was over. They were all safe, now. The Combine had been defeated, and everyone Gordon had loved had made it through safely. He and Barney had been living together for months, and Alyx was their neighbor. He rubbed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath that he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

Barney hung up on Alyx after exchanging farewells, and he wrapped a gentle arm around Gordon. Gordon leaned into him gratefully, closing his eyes as he just basked in the moment. Barney was comfortable and solid. Gordon began to fully calm down. Barney was with him. Alyx was okay.

Alyx was his best friend in the world (tied with Barney, of course), and Gordon genuinely didn’t think that he could go on without her in his life. He could confidently say that he loved her with his entire heart, though not the same way he loved his partner, obviously. He hadn’t ever felt such an immediate kinship with anyone in his life. Even with Barney, it took them several awkward conversations for the two of them to even consider each other friends. 

With Alyx, it was different. She’d rescued Gordon, and cracked a gentle joke immediately about his inability to speak. Then, she’d pleasantly surprised him with her ability to understand ASL. He’d known instantly that she and him were going to be close friends, and wasn’t disappointed. Time and time again, she’d proven herself to be a genuinely wonderful and formidable ally. He was lucky to have her as a friend.

After a few minutes of sitting up and cuddling, Barney stood up to turn off the lights. Gordon pulled the blankets back up onto the bed, sliding underneath them, as it was awfully cold in the room. Barney lied down next to him, and didn’t hesitate before pulling him close to his chest and hugging him.

“You’re the strongest, most compassionate soul I’ve ever met, darlin’. After all the bullshit we’ve put up with through the years, I know that we’ll pull through this too,” Barney said lowly, directly into Gordon’s ear. Gordon felt himself tear up a little. He was unable to respond, so he just buried his face into Barney’s chest and enjoyed the embrace.

Barney ran his fingers through Gordon’s hair (which he was finally letting grow out so that he could pull it up into a ponytail, like it had been before the G-man had decided to cut his hair while he was in stasis), and Gordon smiled into Barney’s soft pajama shirt, feeling warm and safe.

Barney was right. This was just a little bump in the road.

\-------

Sleep was difficult. The past few months had driven that point home firmly into the minds of both Gordon and Barney. While it wasn’t every night that one of them was ripped out of sleep by either their own or their partner’s nightmare, it was only a few days after Gordon’s own incident that he was woken up by Barney.

He was yanked out of his sleep by a loud shout, and he startled forward, grabbing his glasses in alarm. The day after Gordon had woken up from a nightmare and was terrified he’d been put back into stasis due to the pressing darkness of the room, Barney had procured a small night light for him. Through the dim light of the room, Gordon could see Barney’s thrashing form.

Gordon was unsure of what to do, as he’d been instructed not to interfere for both his and Barney’s safety when Barney was having his night terrors. He slipped out of bed and turned on the lights, hoping that maybe that would help him come back to the waking world naturally.

Barney began to calm after only a minute or so, and Gordon cautiously climbed back into bed, leaving the light on. Barney blinked awake, looking disoriented. He had tear tracks running down his face. He sat up and looked around, still confused. Gordon scooted closer to him a little hesitantly, and signed, ‘You were having a night terror. I didn’t know what to do.’

Barney cleared his throat, wiping at his cheeks. “I don’t- I don’t quite remember what I was dreamin’ about, but I remember enough to know that it fucking sucked,” Barney declared, a small amount of humor in his voice. Gordon smiled at him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

Barney relaxed into his embrace immediately, and Gordon felt how much he’d been shaking. Taking a leaf out of Barney’s comfort book, he began to run his fingers through Barney’s short, greying hair. He was fascinated to find that the grey hair had a rougher texture than the black. By that point, his hair was more light than dark, and Gordon found it incredibly attractive. 

The two sat like that for several minutes, with the tension slowly draining from Barney’s stiff form. Barney straightened up and pulled away, smiling up at Gordon tiredly.

“Mind if I steal a kiss?” Barney asked, his tone carefully light and even. Gordon didn’t hesitate, immediately leaning in and pressing his mouth to his. Barney reacted immediately, cupping Gordon’s face and closing his eyes. Gordon knew Barney adored kisses, and it helped that the man was excellent at it, too. His lips were chapped, but still warm and gentle. Gordon could exchange gentle kisses with him all night, if he could.

Gordon broke the kiss, smiling happily. Despite however many times they’d done this, it still brought a flush to his cheeks. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was, to have such a wonderful partner. Barney released his gentle hold on his face, and Gordon gently kissed his hand before he could retract it.

‘Do you want to try going back to sleep?’ Gordon asked, knowing that sometimes Barney just preferred to stay awake if his night terrors woke him. While it didn’t happen often, he sometimes had multiple episodes a night. Barney, however, nodded, a small, tired smile on his face.

“Yep, no sense in bein’ sleepy all throughout the day. You were a wonderful distraction. Don’t even remember what had me so spooked in the first place,” Barney said. Gordon knew that he was just putting on a brave face. His eyes still darted around the room anxiously, and his nervous tremor hadn’t entirely vanished yet. Gordon wasn’t about to confront him on this, though. That was between Barney and his therapist.

Gordon got up and flicked off the light, setting his glasses down on the nightstand before snuggling up into bed beside Barney. Barney immediately slipped his cold hands into Gordon’s shirt, much to Gordon’s mild annoyance. He didn’t pull away, though, especially when Barney tangled his legs with his and rested his forehead against Gordon’s.

Barney mumbled a few soft words, and Gordon only caught “Protect,” and “Safe.” He understood the general gist, and pressed a kiss to Barney’s nose, which quieted his gentle rambling. He could make out the shine of Barney’s eyes and teeth in the dim light in the room, and knew that he was smiling.

Maybe they weren’t perfect, Gordon considered, but they were close enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for:  
> -semi-graphic depictions of gunshot wounds in a dream  
> -minor and major character death in a dream  
> -sleep paralysis  
> -minor injury to nose (nosebleed)  
> -night terrors
> 
> No beta this time lol
> 
> please drop a comment if you enjoyed! it fuels me.


End file.
